fallow buck enfield

Iapos;m really doing my best to stay positive and optimistic and share something worth the time youapos;re spending reading here cuz I do care and I want to mean something in this world, in words at least... So goes a writerapos;s dream... Or obsession... Or addiction... Or madness...But all Iapos;ve ever written here are reflections of my emotions that I reserved especially for this journal. I guess itapos;s for the main reason that I really donapos;t want to bug my friends with my sentiments and I dont particularly want any more rejection in this life than I already have known.

ok, so lifeapos;s been tough... A real mess... All my own doing, so any complaints I have are directed at me, the person responsible... And Iapos;ll grumble and fumble and bumble my way through... And Iapos;ll kick myself in the butt to keep my head up and Iapos;ll walk on through the wind and the rain and believe... Never walk alone?... Well, itapos;s a spiritual and ethereal reality for me... But sometimes, especially these days, I wish I had a hand to hold for a little walk around the block or something...

and the depressive fears of losing the chance at dreams not yet realized brings me down to experience more pains and panics and confusions and doubts and excrutiatingly uncomfortable feelings than Iapos;d ever dared imagine actualizing in life... The disappointments of betrayals of unconditional trust and love... The pains of abandonment and betrayal... The risks of giving complete power and control of my life over to someone else... Even the fear of death by freezing, starving, or whatever is not nearly as profound for me as the pain of leaving life with opportunities for actualizing my dreams left untried... Sometimes it is a challenge to explain...

the extremes of the concepts of heaven and hell, actualized as much as possible in this body in this life...

I am often amazed that this body is still alive..

Iapos;m ready for a vacation I think...


fallow buck enfield, fallow bucks, fallow deer, fallow deer antler.