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"....But now the tables turn.... Another bridge I watched you burn... I canapos;t lie and tell you that itapos;s alright.

....And I�swear that�I�still need you, and I�swear that I�still love... But I�never wanna see your face again......"

-Pax Romana


Notice how I�always title my blogs with song lyrics? Itapos;s because for every time in my life, however short, there is a song that can be referenced to it. I donapos;t have to say what Iapos;m too afraid or hurt to say because the music I listen to does that for me. Isnapos;t that enough?? I�wish it was.

Speaking of music, Iapos;m seeing the Kooks in concert on Tuesday. Iapos;m excited. It the only thing in my life Iapos;m actually looking forward to right now. So I�donapos;t know what Iapos;ll do when itapos;s done. I might just have to die.

I really canapos;t explain this feeling, but Iapos;ll do my best. Itapos;s like thereapos;s a fog over everything that happens. My reaction time is slower, I never have enough energy to do anything, I have the urge to sleep all the time, everything seems empty and done, I feel lonely even in a room full of people, I cry all the time for absolutely no reason, I have constant headaches that wonapos;t go away even with advil or other medications, and�being around people just makes me feel awkward and weird. Nothing makes me happy, so I try to find humor in everything to cope with this overwhelming stress that constantly weighs me down. And I�donapos;t even know why Iapos;m stressed because school isnapos;t that hard and I like all my teachers. Dance isnapos;t bad. Iapos;m getting better I�hope. My dream to be a dancer never really died and never will, Iapos;ve just realized itapos;s unattainable and talked myself out of it. My life seems to be predictable to a tee. My friends all have their theories of whatapos;s going to happen to me when Iapos;m older, and they keep getting more specific. Itapos;s all nice stuff, but I wish I were more original or unpredictable.

I havenapos;t hung out with my normal people yet this weekend. And a bunch of random guys all seem to want to get in my pants and itapos;s irritating me. They just text me randomly... Or send me messages on facebook. Creepin. But yeah. I went to Chipotle with my good friend Gaven on Friday because heapos;s the only person who called me... But it was nice except people kept thinking we were on a date lol. I think like 6 different people texted us r walked by and asked if we were dating. Weapos;d just look at each other and laugh every time because that would never happen. Weapos;re like siblings. The highlite of that night was going to walgreens with Gaven and getting a monster for a dollar and getting a pack of bazooka bubblegum =].

Last night, a million different people I didnapos;t want�to hang out with called me or texted me. Then I chatted on the phone with this really nice guy I know from another school and it was farely entertaining because weapos;re both so sarcastic and sassy that everything we said was just coated with sarcasm up the butt. It was great. He lives in like bum fucking egypt though so I never get�to see him. But itapos;s fine. So then Amber finally called me and asked me to go to Barrington because she was with a bunch of people and really uncomfortable. So I sauntered up my street where she met me while on the phone with someone else, and I had to listen to her talk on the phone with someone else the entire walk to Barrington. When we arrived, our friends were leaving because a legit herd of Freshmen were there running around being obnoxious. But when we walked back to my house, some of our other friends called and told us to go anyway, but amber and I didnapos;t feel like walking again, so Alexa told us to hop in the bed of the truck. Well, we did and it was probably one of the greatest things about this weekend. Driving around laying down looking up at the stars. Basically we ended up hanging out with a million people at barrington. At one point, JJ got in his car and drove through the field headed straight for the freshman like he was goign to run them over and they all ran and screamed like scared little sheep. It was probably one of the funniest things Iapos;ve ever seen.


Meh. All this writing has tired me out. I need a nap and Iapos;ll continue with my mindless babbling later.

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